all is but a dot

today's been long and kinda numb. i'm sitting at my desk and it's getting colder. i just re-heated some coffee that's been sitting out since yesterday. i'm also drinking some 'mango nectar' out this tall carton with screw on cap. i've been writing so much lately and it feels like total escapism. this morning, on the subway, i didn't even pick my head up and look around at who was on the train too. a few weeks ago i had a desire to read a book/allegory inwhich all the characters are e-mails. and the plot would document their lives, which are basically contained within the time from when they're sent to when they reach their destination. where do they go in that delay? anyway, this reminds me of an idea i had in early childhood for a game board. basically it's this vast grid containing a series of dots. dots can apear at any point on the grid, and they move. when they get to the edge of the grid, they disapear. some dots blink and some dots stay solid. the dots that blink are moving those dots that stay solid. the dots that are moving can bump into other dots and make them move. but if a dot is blinking it can never move. i don't know what the point is. but the point is dots. the lady, angus, who has me helping her put out her quaterly publication is demanding all of my time. she makes me feel like a solid dot. and she's totally blinking. i'm writting an article for her on the miserable state of affordable housing. that will make me blink. i'll write more about angus as i get to know her better. i think she will become a point of interst. this talk of point and dot reminds me of the buddhist practice. "A Finger Pointing To The Moon. But to understand the point, you have to try it. On a dark night, stand and point to the moon [a dot to you or me]. When you focus on your finger, it is clear and solid, but the moon is a hazy double ghost. Now focus on the moon; it becomes clear and single, but the finger is a transparent double ghost." so i'm rambling and cutting and pasting. and i really don't know where this is going. i have this idea about what this 'blog' is gonna be like, but so far the only thing i can think to do about it is keep writting. so... even if there is nothing for me to say. sometimes i wish that i got annoyed at shit more easily so i could use this place to vent but alas... i am the calm center of the universe. ha. either way, cry to you later. peace.